First, I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has read my blog (short though it is) and a HUGE special thanks to gradeabeefy, TheGingerDoctor, and Grommr for promoting it. You all receive gold stars and a belly rub from me. Now to the main course…
THE FIRST HELLO
Your profile is now in neat and shining order. You are ready to go out and tackle Grommr. You go on the Global Newsfeed…and are suddenly overrun with posts and statuses and comments and general hullabaloo. Your first instinct? Probably to run away and scream. Second instinct? Stay put and scream so people will stop and notice you. DON’T DO THIS.
Resist the urge! The amount of newbies I see that yell for Skype or delineate their “need” for a boyfriend in a pathetic pastiche of an online dating site makes me want to cry.
The gaining world is a culture unto itself. To people who are not into the scene, it looks like a backwards, foreign land. But it’s not. It’s just a culture that differs from their ideals.
When you want to initiate contact on Grommr, think of it as if you are in a new place that you have never visited before. If you want to start a positive experience with the “locals,” would you jump up and down babbling at people? No, you wouldn’t.
And if you would, post that shit on YouTube.
How would you cultivate a positive impression with a local in real life?
You would offer a handshake and say hello.
THE IDEA!
I swear some guys are allergic to the word hello.
Really…It’s as simple as that. Don’t pretend that we care about what you are looking for in a partner. We really don’t. Don’t assume that we all have huge boners and want to show them off.
If you open your Grommr experience with either of those, chances are we will droop faster than Myspace’s popularity.
Just say “Hello, how is everyone doing today?”
And make sure you spell everything properly. Poor spelling and grammar are the ultimate conversation killers.
Questions are okay. Go ahead and ask how to operate this site. People will reach out to you and help you, because you are showing an interest in this community.
HOWEVER, don’t make requests right off the bat. We don’t know you yet. This community is trying to unite and build trust. The relationships most of us want to build are trust-based. You could be my mother trying to spy on me for all I know!
Nothing beats a genuine “Hello. How are you?” Even people in the worst moods will respond more gently to someone showing concern. And if someone does, be sure to reply! This is an important chance for you to establish contact with another member. Use your manners. Yes, all those annoying things your mother said about saying “please” and “thank you” apply to the online world. You’ll cultivate a much more positive impression of yourself.
And you are not required to talk about bellies from the get-go. You joined Grommr. It’s a fucking given that you like them.
Restating the obvious earns two demerits and frownie-face sticker. L
Then it’s time to go out and comment on other members’ statuses. DON’T SPAM THEM. Respond to the posts that appeal to you. And don’t be like this one guy on Grommr who would go around and post THE EXACT SAME COMMENT on every status. Seriously? Do you think we are so fucked up that we can’t tell what you are doing?
Remember you are talking to PEOPLE. Not sex toys.
Spamming statuses earns you five demerits and a rubber stamp to the forehead.
I know most of this is common sense and stating the obvious (I am wearing the frownie-face was we speak), but if I don’t establish the basics, then we will get nowhere fast. Bear with me.
I want you to imagine Grommr like a big party with no alcohol (Yes, I had to put that in there. Booze breaks barriers, but on Grommr, people have them so I need to give you a social situation with barriers). How do you mingle with people? If you’ve never mingled before in your life, then go back to the top of this post and read very carefully.
Small talk. Small talk. Small talk.
Simply put, interact with other members using more general topics of conversation. Someone will inevitably talk about the weather, their job, their home, etc. If you can find a commonality, post a polite (MANNERS!!!) response. Nine times out of ten, you will receive a response. Then you can reply back. And so on and so on…Voila! Rapport! And you didn’t have to shame yourself doing it!
I know you want to chat about bellies. We all do. The conversations will naturally fall that way. It won’t take long. It’s a Murphy’s Law at this point.
However, I have found that when I lead with the gaining foot (complimenting a gain or a gut, offering encouragement, etc.) I get next to no response. Don’t force it. The fat chat will come to you.
PATIENCE! (I know it’s hard, but the pictures will help relieve the tension.)
What I want you newbies (and some of you hitherto unnamed Skype-requesters) to practice is RESPECT and TACT. It’s not that difficult. Lead with your big head first. Not the little one. It won’t be easy on Grommr but it’s worth it. The friends you will make will be much better than the fuzzy, it-might-be-a-penis that you won’t really see on cam. The real guys are better.
Unsolicited Skype requests earn you a bitch slap and this face.
Don’t mock this face. Sophia is packing heat out of frame. She will cut a bitch.
Cheers, spears, and fresh newbie tears
Bigdreamer
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