Finally back! I had a whirlwind of a fortnight so forgive the long delay between posts. Once again, thank you for reading. Now it’s back to our regularly scheduled nomming, gnashing, and nattering.
Today’s post is inspired by a quote from Grommr member, Gridlock, who so elegantly decreed “If you’re bored, you’re boring. No one wants to read that.”
I couldn’t have put it better myself.
But I’m going to try, dammit!
STOPPING BOREDOM
If you’re like most guys, you must spend hours on Grommr. And despite its archive of bellies and general bemoaning of how fat one has become, it’s not a site designed to provide activity. Unless your activity involves a good deal of stroking and groaning...
So things get a bit boring. Maybe you’re between sessions, I don’t know. What I do know is that you don’t need to advertise the fact.
I think most guys post about their boredom in a desperate attempt to rev up interest in the fatty masses. But how many of those posts go unanswered? I’m no statistician, but I think I can say a shit ton of them do.
The ones that are answered are only done so by other bored members. Then they are boring together. It’s like watching two stick figures ask each other “What do YOU want to do today?” in a loop.
SAMPLE CONVERSATION:
First Fatty: haha I’m bored. (Seriously. Why the fuck are you laughing if you are bored?)
Second Fatty: haha me too. (Let’s all laugh at nothing. Maybe someone will get insulted.)
First: ur hot. (There has to be some level of chat-speak I imagine.)
Second: Thanks. (It will never be reciprocated. Law of the jungle.)
First: haha (Seriously?! Stop pretending you are funny.)
Second: lol (Oh look. Variety. *gags*)
First: I’m still bored. (SHOCKER!)
And the conversation dies here. No...I lied. The conversation never lived.
I get it. Nothing is going on right now. You are busy jerking to two-dimensional fatties. But something must have happened today. Or this week. Or this month. If it didn’t, you are a sad person. Fix it.
Go for a walk. Listen to music. Read a book. That’s what art is for, dummy.
Bored=boring. It’s a standard equation in the Grommr universe. If you give off the impression that there is nothing interesting in your life, that means there is nothing interesting about YOU. Bye bye fatty chat.
Here are some common sense tips to remedy your urge to complain about boredom:
1) Did you go to work today? Did you have a good day? Bad day? A bitchy customer? A mishap? Everyone has a bad work story. Everyone has a great one too. If something happened at work, share it. It’s better than the alternative. And no...you don’t need to give us details of where you work and what you do. Just go for the juicy bits. People relate to conflict.
2) Did you see something interesting in the news? Hear some great music? See a good movie? Read a great book? See a funny meme? By all means, share that.
3) Did your pet do something stupid and funny in the past few days? America’s Funniest Home Videos made an empire off of those. Post about it!
4) How about the weather? Is it really awful? Did a tree fall over and miss an old lady by a hair? Is it so hot that eggs are frying in the refrigerator? Is the sun shining and you are spending your time indoors trying to psychically force a penis to show up?
5) How is your belly doing (if you have one)? Make any new milestones? How does it feel? How are your clothes fitting?
6) Ask a question. NOT A SKYPE REQUEST! Go back to the post before this and beg for forgiveness. Just ask a general question. Is there something about our community that’s been bugging your brain? Or how about life in general?
The growing number of suggestions should show you that there is plenty to talk about if you open your brain. If you couldn’t answer any of my questions, your life is pathetic. Go outside and do something. If you want something interesting to talk about, you need to do something. Monotony isn’t sexy.
And if you STILL have nothing to say, DON’T SAY ANYTHING.
It might be better to get off Grommr for the time being and do something else. You never know what will happen, but it has to be more interesting than complaining.
Those that complain about boredom get fed to my pet sharks.
That’ll give them something to talk about.
In the immortal words of Gridlock, “if you’re bored, you’re boring. No one wants to read that.”
Touché!
Sugar and spice and potatoes baked twice,
Bigdreamer
