In the last post, I established my house rules.
Now here is the actual meat of the blog (the food imagery will continue for the duration of this blog’s existence).
THE PROFILE
I cannot enumerate the amount of profiles I see that read “I hate filling these things out” or “I never know what to put here.” Yes, you do. Talk about yourself. It’s not that hard. You know what that kind of profile says to a lot of guys? “I really don’t care about this place. Don’t talk to me.” Your profile is a very effective instrument in attracting the right sort of person you want to talk to. It’s practically the only conversational tool on Grommr that you have complete control over.
Take a look at it. Ask yourself: “Do I want to talk to this person?” Be impartial. Do you have anything in your profile that would entice someone to talk to you? I always try to find an alternate conversation link with someone. We all have belly love in common. That doesn’t make it the best foot to lead with. That’s why Grommr includes things like “Favorite books/movies/music, etc.” It’s there to help facilitate conversations. We want to get to know you. We want to know that you are a real person with real interests.
I once started a long conversation with a guy shortly after Grommr started that began with me asking what he designed. He put in his profile that he was a designer and this gave me a chance to ask him a question that had nothing to do with gaining. I stood out from the crowd so he responded in a much more detailed fashion than he would have otherwise.
A year later, we are very close friends. We even collaborated on a project together. All because of what he put in his profile.
Literally. The entire process of our friendship boiled down to him putting just one personal word in his profile.
That’s where the potential lies. Hundreds of guys scan through hundreds of profiles each day, trying to make the most out of the limited number of messaging opportunities they have (given that most of our members are under the regular Grommr package). Most are lured in by a picture. But what do they do then? They look at your profile. That’s where the decisions are made.
Remember: On the profile page are the buttons for both private message and wall posting. It is your profile that helps a potential friend/partner decide whether or not to talk to you.
So make it interesting and enticing.
Here’s some tips on how to do it without revealing too much about yourself (since I know a lot of guys are worried about being discovered):
1) I recently added on my profile something called “Ten Icebreakers.” They are a list of ten odd/funny/interesting facts about me and my life designed to help people get to know me and start a conversation. Feel free to look at them. A lot of my recent conversations now begin with something relating to those icebreakers. They are an easy way to introduce people to you. And you get to be in control of what you share.
2) Do you have any pets? Pets and animals are a great way to establish common ties with other people. Even if you don’t see eye-to-eye on many things, you will able to find common ground with your beloved animals. And pets are a safe mention if you are worried about oversharing. If you say you have a dog, so do millions of other people.
3) Tell a story. I’m sure everyone’s got a funny or interesting fat guy sighting in them. Share it! It provides a link with our site (mmmmmmmm bellies) and it’s a personable way of sharing your story as well. No one can tell your story like you can.
Your profile is the place to tell us about you. Don’t be afraid to use it and don’t skimp on it either. You aren’t using Grommr’s services to their full potential if you do that.
Now I’m going to address those profiles with ground rules.
We all know them. The ones with restrictions on how to deal with the person who made the profile.
First things first, KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GUIDELINES AND BIGOTRY.
There are two sorts of profiles that do this. Some are the frustrated guys trying to change their Grommr experience. They have been stuck with numerous conversations that don’t agree with them. Therefore, they put guidelines on their profile (right at the top so you can see them). These are not restrictions in the ordinary sense of the word. They don’t inhibit conversation. They are a request to alter the quality of the conversations. These guys want to make friends. Even though they look intimidating (one of my best Grommr friends has a big list on his profile and it used to intimidate me), these members just want to have a positive experience. Follow their guidelines. They won’t restrict you from saying hello. But if you want to make friends with them, you have to understand what they want.
Then there are the profiles who demand that no one of a certain age/race/look even contact them.
Dump those. That’s bigotry.
You can have a type that you want to date, but don’t be a shithead about conversation.
It certainly won’t make me talk to you.
To sum up, your profile is a valuable tool. Use it. The quality of your conversations depends on what you put out about yourself as well. Give and take. That is the soul of human interaction. Take the extra effort to polish up your profile and attract the guys you want to attract.
If you are looking for friendship, that’s where you start.
If you are looking for porn, there’s a tumblr for that.
Next time, I’ll talk about initiating a conversation with someone new. Please put your Skype or cam requests in the garbage under the food wrappers. There will be none of that here.
Shoes, ships, sealing wax, cabbages, and kings
Bigdreamer
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